ATLANTA HAWKS

We resolve to get to the bottom of why we gave Joe Johnson so much damn money. He does lead us in points, but will we make it deep in the playoffs….of course not. ( same as last years resolution)

BOSTON CELTICS

We the Boston Celtics resolve to let Rondo shoot nothing but threes for an entire game, just to see what happens….

CHARLOTTE BOBCATS

I, Paul Silas resolve to survive the entire season.

CHICAGO BULLS

I, Derrick Rose resolve to continue dominating basketball, postgame interviews  and my acne.

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS

We resolve to continue to be a horrible team until Dan Gilbert can finally complete the cloning of LeBron James, let the clone grow to 18 years of age, then draft him with the #1 pick in the 2030 Draft.

DALLAS MAVERICKS

I, Lamar Odom will drive to Galveston Beach each off day so I can look at the ocean and remember what once was.

DETROIT PISTONS

We the Pistons resolve to find some food for Austin Daye, and to have Ben Gordons arms chopped off!

DENVER NUGGETS

We the Nuggets resolve to be extremely grateful that Coach Karl is back and healthy!

GOLDEN ST. WARRIORS

I, Coach Mark Jackson resolve to stop yelling “Hands down, man down” to everyone on the team, every possession.

HOUSTON ROCKETS

We the Houston Rockets resolve to continue pitting Chase Budinger, and Chandler Parsons against each other until they are forced to fight to the death.

INDIANA PACERS

We resolve to let Physcho T run into the stands at least once this season.

L.A. CLIPPERS

We resolve to keep our racist ass owner away from Chris Paul, and keep Chris thinking that Frankie Muniz is indeed the owner of the team.

L.A. LAKERS

We resolve to plant testosterone tablets in Pau Gasol’s drinks throughout the season.

MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES

We resolve to get Tony Allen as far away from our team as possible.

MIAMI HEAT

We resolve to win the Finals, not for LeBron but for original man: Juwan Howard.

MILWAUKEE BUCKS

We resolve to get to the bottom of signing of Mike Dunleavy Jr.!

MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES

I, Kevin Love resolve to rebound every ball, on every shot, from every basketball game in the world.

NEW JERSEY NETS

We resolve to play in Brooklyn until Brooklyn realizes that the Nets play in Brooklyn, then we haul ass to Russia! #NYETS

NEW ORLEANS HORNETS

We the NBA speak for the Hornets, and the Hornets have nothing to say!

NEW YORK KNICKS

I, Carmelo Anthony resolve to remember that I, Carmelo am the only option, and I need to shoot every single time!

OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER

We resolve to do whatever we can to keep Russell Westbrook from becoming Stephon Marbury and eventually eating Vaseline on Twitter!

ORLANDO MAGIC

I, Dwight Howard resolve to ask, demand, then say pretty please for a trade.

PHILADELPHIA 76ERS

We resolve to hire Michael Vick as soon as the NFL season is over. He will suit up and be in the starting lineup, just for the player introductions, but he wont play any minutes.

PHOENIX SUNS

I, Steve Nash resolve to never leave the Suns, and continue playing until they can find a point guard better then I.

PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS

We resolve to burn some Sage in the Rose Garden, because our team is definitely cursed!

SACRAMENTO KINGS

We resolve to remind all those fans that fought to keep the team in Sacramento that the team is still in Sacramento

SAN ANTONIO SPURS

We resolve to casually ignore the age of our Big 3, but encourage fans to purchase DeJuan Blair Bears from the gift shop

TORONTO RAPTORS

We resolve to call the NBA everyday, and send flowers so that they remember there is a team in Toronto.

UTAH JAZZ

We resolve to remind the Jazz players that the sign that said “Team of Misfit Players” was not funny.

WASHINGTON WIZARDS

We resolve to let John Wall do whatever he wants to and to continue letting Glbert Arenas in the locker room so he can shit in Rashard Lewis’s shoes.

Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

The most exciting offensive game of the weekend goes to the Thunder and Nuggets. It wasn’t as dramatic a game as the Celtics-Knicks or as thrilling as Bulls-Pacers, it was simply non-stop quickness.

Kevin Durant scored 41 points, Westbrook added 31 points, and the OKC Thunder withstood a beat down from Nene to win Game 1, 107-103. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook became the first players since the franchise moved to Oklahoma City to each score 30 points in a playoff game. They were 25 for 45 from the field and provided all but 13 baskets for the Thunder.

Nene dunked on everyone in a Thunder uniform en route to 22 points and eight boards to lead Denver. Nene missed 71/2 minutes after bumping knees with Kendrick Perkins in the opening minutes of the second half.

Danilo Gallinari scored 18 points, Raymond Felton had 12, and Denver had eight players score at least eight points.

“There are a lot of ways to win games down the stretch, and I think big-time shooters, big-time scorers are one,” Karl said. “But there are also a lot of other ways to win close games.” With the departure of Carmelo Anthony the Nuggets role players appeared uneasy with the pressure of taking big shots. Except of course J.R. Smith who had 9 points on 3-8 shooting, and went 0-3 from downtown.

A controversial offensive goaltending call will take the majority of scrutiny. Westbrook’s jumper from the right side caromed off the rim and Perkins was credited for the tip-in with 1:06 remaining to put Oklahoma City up 102-101. Several Nuggets looked for it to be waved off as basket interference, and coach George Karl insisted after the game: “Obviously it was goaltending.”

Teams involved in the Carmelo trade: 0-2 Teams involved in Kendrick Perkins trade: 2-0

Game 2 at Oklahoma City, 8:00 p.m. ET, TNT/ Thunder lead series 1-0

#1. San Antonio Spurs vs. #8 Memphis Grizzlies

The Spurs  shot at the gate, surprising everyone outside of San Antonio en route to the best record in the West. The Grizzlies suffered a huge setback with the loss of Rudy gay for the Playoffs. The two headed defensive monster of Shane battier and Tony Allen were key reasons the Grizzlies were able to hold on to the bottom spot.

The key matchup of the series is Tim Duncan-Zach Randolph. Tim Duncan is no longer the offensive focal point and averaged a career-low 13.4 points, but is still effective enough to lure double teams. Memphis scored a league-high 51.6 points in the post and its interior size of Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol should pose problems for San Antonio. The Spurs are on a mission, but the Grizzlies have been playing great ball down the stretch. This series has the capabilities to go the distance.

Spurs in 6

#2 Los Angeles Lakers vs. #7 New Orleans Hornets

The Lakers earned the privilege to play the David West-less Hornets in the first round. If the Lakers don’t sweep the Hornets, prepare for panic out of Los Angeles. The Lakers swept the Hornets, 4-0, in the regular season.

Lakers in 4

#3 Dallas Mavericks vs. #6 Portland Trail Blazers

*The Best First Round Matchup* The loss of Caron Butler dealt a heavy blow to the Mavs. The toughest player taken from your team makes deep Playoff runs next to impossible. Despite nearly a decade’s worth of regular-season success, Dallas has advanced only once to the finals.

The Mavericks draw a tough first-round matchup in Portland, which benefited after a midseason trade by obtaining Gerald Wallace. Brandon Roy is somewhat back from injury, but the team now revolves around LaMarcus Aldridge (21.8 points, 8.8 rebounds), who is a native of Dallas. The teams split their regular-season games with each winning twice at home.

Portland in 6

#4 Oklahoma City Thunder vs. #5 Denver Nuggets

The most intriguing first-round matchups between the benefactors of deadline deals. The Thunder may pose the largest obstacle to the Lakers of escaping the Western Conference a fourth straight year. Denver hasn’t lost a step after dealing Chauncey Billups and Carmelo Anthony to New York. Denver is similar to a college team complete with two ex-North Carolina Tar Heels in Raymond Felton and Ty Lawson.

Kevin Durant remains the best basketball player not named Kobe, or LeBron. The addition of Kendrick Perkins adds a touch of toughness the Thunder have yet to achieve. Oklahoma won the season series, 3-1, including taking two games after the trading deadline.

Thunder in 6

As a part of the deal, the Knicks will send Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari, Timofey Mozgov and a 2014 first-round draft pick to the Nuggets, who would get additional picks and cash. Along with Anthony, New York would acquire Chauncey Billups, Shelden Williams, Anthony Carter and Renaldo Balkman.

New York will send Anthony Randolph and Eddy Curry to Minnesota as part of the deal in exchange for Corey Brewer.

The Knicks new roster in alpabetical order is Carmelo Anthony(who will wear the #7), Kelenna Azubulke, Renaldo Balkman, Cory Brewer, Chauncey Billups, Anthony Carter, Toney Douglas, Landry Fields, Roger Mason, Andy Rautins, Amar’e Stoudemire, Ronny Turiaf, Bill Walker, Shawne Williams, and Shelden Williams. The Williams guys are gonna be a nigtmare for the Knicks equipment manager.

Will Shelden be displayed “SHE. Williams” on the back of his jersey?

The Knicks aren’t going to win a title this year. They ARE going to make the playoffs. That alone should please New Yorkers. The Knicks have added 2 of the 10 starters in this past weekends All-Star Game in under a year. Are the Knicks done? Billups is a free agent and of course Carmelo is. Will this roster be enough to keep Melo from New Jersey/Brooklyn, or will another move by the Knicks sweeten the deal for Melo?

The Nuggets Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari, and Timofey Mozgov are solid additions. Denver was headed for an early exit from the playoffs if they made it. Adding 53.9% of the Knicks offense to your team is good when you traded away 50% of your offense. Billups will be missed as well, but the battle between Ty Lawson, and Raymond Felton should be a good one. Sadly for Denver J.R. Smith becomes the lone gunmen in town, unless Danilo wants it more.

The Minnesota Timberwolves, with ABSOLUTELY nothing to lose add Anthony Randolph to a team that needs anyone. Eddie Curry is and has been since he ate Oliver Miller, sadly CAP SPACE. Curry’s expiring contract gives the Timberwolves extra cash to burn in the fireplace to keep them warm come winter.

With the start of a new year, teams make their own resolutions.  Here is a team by team look at those resolutions.

ATLANTA HAWKS

We resolve to get to the bottom of why we gave Joe Johnson so much damn money. He does lead us in points, but will we make it deep in the playoffs….of course not.

BOSTON CELTICS

We the Boston Celtics resolve to play at least one game with both O’Neal’s on the court at the same time. I, the Boston Celtics  fan resolve to relax and enjoy each game because if anyone gets injured the world will not end.

CHARLOTTE BOBCATS

I, Michael Jordan resolve to stop wearing all my rings on one necklace to every Bobcats meeting.

CHICAGO BULLS

We resolve to kept nurturing Derrick Rose, and to keep Carlos Boozer and his weird beard away from him.

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS

We resolve to simply exist before the NBA goes through with contraction and makes us a NBDL team. I, the Cavs fan will save up and buy the Fathead of Daniel Gibson for no reason whatsoever.

DALLAS MAVERICKS

I, Rick Carlisle resolve to stop making faces like Jim Carrey, and to let jason Terry do whatever he wants in the 4th quarter.

DETROIT PISTONS

I, Tayshaun Prince resolve to ask Joe Dumars nicely if I can be traded, then pray its not to Toronto.

DENVER NUGGETS

We resolve to trade Carmelo to the highest bidder, then struggle until we draft anthoer Carmelo and repeat the same process.

GOLDEN ST. WARRIORS

We resolve to never sign a legitimate big man so we can never truly play defense.

HOUSTON ROCKETS

I, the Houston Rockets fan resolve to lower our expectations until Michael Jordan goes and plays baseball for two years.

INDIANA PACERS

We resolve to sleep through the rest of this year, and promptly wake up during the lottery selection this summer.

L.A. CLIPPERS

I, Donald Sterling resolve to continue being concerned about only money, and as long as Blake Griffin makes me money he stays….for cheap of course.

L.A. LAKERS

We resolve to work all year so we actually play a competitive game on Christmas. We also resolve to never let Kobe and Nike convince us that Lime green sneakers are cool.

MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES

We resolve to save our money, to pay for the shipping of all the equipment to our new home in Seattle.

MIAMI HEAT

I, Miami Heat fan resolve to show up to games on time, especially once the playoffs start. At least we will make it seem that basketball games are more fun then the beach, or clubs full of young hispanic women.

MILWAUKEE BUCKS

We resolve to continue doing whatever it was we did to beat the Lakers. *Brandon Jennings didn’t play

MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES

I, Kevin Love resolve to rebound every ball, on every shot, from every basketball game in the world.

NEW JERSEY NETS

We resolve to never put an ad across from Madison Square Garden again. Unless of course, if we get Carmelo Anthony then we get to play in the Garden.

NEW ORLEANS HORNETS

We the NBA speak for the Hornets, and the Hornets have nothing to say.

NEW YORK KNICKS

I, Spike Lee resolve to continue wearing clothes too big for me to games, and my Landry Fields jersey, even if he gets traded.

OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER

We resolve to take out as many loans as possible to keep Russell Westbrook away from Los Angeles.

ORLANDO MAGIC

I, Dwight Howard will work on my three point shooting so I can fit in better with the team.

PHILADELPHIA 76ERS

We resolve to hire Michael Vick as soon as the NFL season is over. He will suit up and be in the starting lineup, just for the player introductions, but he wont play any minutes.

PHOENIX SUNS

I, Marcin Gortat, will continue to plead with my teammates to play defense, even if they speak another language.

PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS

I, Trail Blazers fan will take a class in physical therapy so I can be more hands on with the players.

SACRAMENTO KINGS

We, the Maloof Brothers resolve to finish construction on our secret basketball stadium in Las Vegas. We also must sit Tyreke Evans down and ask that he not hit 50 footers to win games and instead keep piling on the loses.

SAN ANTONIO SPURS

We resolve to casually ignore the age of our Big 3, but encourage fans to purchase DeJuan Blair Bears from the gift shop

TORONTO RAPTORS

We resolve to call the NBA everyday, and send flowers so that they remember there is a team in Toronto.

UTAH JAZZ

We resolve to continue research into age-defying potions that can make it possible for Jerry Sloan to coach the Jazz forever.

WASHINGTON WIZARDS

We resolve to finally change our name back to the Bullets, and once again lose out on front page reports to real bullets.

(AP Photo/Jack Dempsey)

After a day to let the J.R. Smith dunk marinate, and the vision of the Cool Grey Air Jordan XI’s he was wearing, I cant help but wonder,

WHAT THE F@%K WAS George Hill thinking?

He either undercuts Smith and seriously hurts him as he falls to the ground, or he gets dunked on and is unable to recover mentally for the rest of his career.

I love the entire Spurs team is in the highlight, and that the Spurs won the game after Carmelo is hit with another(bogus) late-game offensive foul.

If you haven’t seen the dunk of the year, enjoy, and be sure to let George Hill’s family now you miss him.

New Jersey has sent swingman Terrence Williams to Houston in a three-team trade that gives the Nets two more first-round draft picks for potential use in a Carmelo Anthony deal.

Williams, who was inactive for the Nets’ 82-77 loss to Philadelphia on Tuesday, is averaging 6.7 points, 3.6 rebounds and 3.1 assists in a turbulent season that saw him fined for showing up late for practices and later sent to the franchise’s D-League team in Springfield.

The Nets got the Rockets’ first-round draft pick in 2012, the Los Angeles Lakers’ first-round pick in 2011 and shooting guard Sasha Vujacic from the Lakers. The Lakers get veteran forward Joe Smith in the trade.

Sasha joins his teammate Jordan Farmar in New Jersey, as they await the call that they have been sent to Denver.

On a second deal Wednesday, the Kings acquired Jermaine Taylor and cash considerations from the Rockets in exchange for a heavily-protected, second-round pick, and cash.

Rockets coach Rick Adelman said he’s “not going to rush into anything” and force Williams into Houston’s rotation without first seeing him in practice.

“He can break people down, he can pass the ball, so it’s just a matter of where he fits with the group we have,” Adelman said. “Unfortunately, we have a lot of games in a short time before Christmas. But we’ll see. It will work itself out.”

Friday night in the NBA breakdown:

Denver Nuggets head coach George Karl joins Don Nelson, Lenny Wilkens, Pat Riley, Jerry Sloan, Phil Jackson and Larry Brown as the only coaches with 1,000 wins. Karl survived prostate cancer in 2005 and was treated for neck and throat cancer earlier this year, missing the end of last season while undergoing treatment. “It’s unbelievable,” Billups said. “He’s got 1,000 wins and he beat cancer twice. Those are his biggest wins.”

Amare Stoudemire had 36 points and 10 rebounds to help overcome his 11 turnovers against the Washington Wizards.  The NBA’s first triple-double involving turnovers since February 2008. His seventh straight 30-point game is matched in franchise history only by Willie Naulls, who accomplished it way back in 1962. The Knicks have won 7 straight, and lead the NBA with 10 away wins.

Kobe Bryant passed John Havlicek for 11th on the NBA All-Time Scoring list. Kobe shot 23 shots and scored 23 points…thus the Lakers lost. Derrick Rose and the Chicago Bulls looked confident, playing tough defense and not backing down from the defending champs. It was the Bulls’ first win over the Lakers in nearly four years. Los Angeles had won seven straight against Chicago since a 94-89 Bulls victory on Dec. 19, 2006, at the United Center.

(Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

Carmelo Anthony may not like what his name means in Chinese but we LOVE it. According to Anthony his name translates to “sweet melon” in Chinese. Something he learned this summer while filming “Amazing” with Dwight Howard in China. The folks at English Baby don’t understand the monster in a nickname they have unearthed but thank you!

No details on what “Amazing” is about, but if everyone on set was referring to Anthony as “Sweet Melon” then what a wonderful set that must have been. Here’s hoping the nickname sticks, and cantaloupes get their names changed to Melo.

Sweet Melon is a big fan of Animal Planet, and movies….who isn’t Sweet Melon.

VIA

(AP Photo/Amy Sancetta)

The Boston Celtics were in Cleveland for opening night of the King-less Cavaliers.  Playing its first game in seven years without THE DECISION MAKER, the Cleveland Cavaliers beat the OLD Celtics 95-87. J.J. Hickson scored 21 points, Daniel Gibson added 16 — all in the second half –.  Rajon Rondo lead the Celtics in scoring with 18.  If Rondo leads in scoring, it means one thing, the Celtics are tired.  Since Cleveland beat the Celtics and they beat the Heat is Cleveland the best tema in the East?  I’m joking.

New Jersey Nets gave Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov a win in his first game as their owner with a 101-98 victory over the Detroit Pistons. The Nets outscored the Pistons 13-3 in the final 1:40 to give Avery Johnson a win in his first game as coach — coming much quicker than last season, when they set an NBA record by losing their first 18 games and not getting that first W till December 4th.  Brook Lopez led the Nets with 25 points and nine boards, and Devin Harrisvadded 22 points and nine dimes. Tayshaun Prince, Rodney Stuckey and Charlie Villanueva each had 14 points.

Atlanta Hawks 119 – Memphis Grizzlies 104: The last time the Grizzlies won on opening night was when they were in Vancouver, defeating the Seattle SuperSonics at home, 94-88 on Oct. 31, 2000. … Memphis went 8-0 in the preseason … Atlanta has won eight of its last nine regular-season games against Memphis and is 20-10 all-time against the Grizzlies.

Durant scored 30 points, Russell Westbrook had 28 points and 10 boards and Oklahoma City beat their young Eastern Conference equivalent Chicago Bulls, 106-95 in the season opener for both teams. Derrick Rose scored 28 points to lead the Bulls but sat for a long stretch due to foul trouble.  A late 11-0 run for the Thunder sealed the deal.  Joakim Noah finished with 18 points and 19 boards.

(Photo by Drew Hallowell/Getty Images)

After losing on opening night in Boston the Miami Heat got just what the Dr.(J) ordered the Philadelphia 76ers. The Big Three got help from the bench in the Heat’s 97-87 victory over the 76ers on Philadelphia’s opening night. Dwyane Wade was much better scoring 30 points while LeBron James finished with 16 points, 7 dimes, and 6 boards.  James did have 9 turnovers, retaking the T.O. lead again from Steve Nash.  James Jones scored 20 off the bench for Miami connecting on 6 of 9 threes.  If the 76ers plan on winning Andre Iguodala will have to score waaaaayyyy more then 10 points in 39 minutes.

Chris Paul had 17 points and 16 dimes, and the New Orleans Hornets gave Monty Williams a victory in his NBA head coaching debut, 95-91 over the Milwaukee Bucks. Trevor Ariza had 11 points in his Hornets debut, including a dunk set up by Belinelli to put the Hornets up 90-84 late in the game. Still, it was the old foundation that remained — Paul and West — which led the way. West scored the Hornets’ first 10 points of the second half, finishing with 22.  Paul’s 16 assists set a franchise record for assists in a season opener, eclipsing the 14 Muggsy Bogues had on Nov. 6, 1992 against Washington.  The Bucks got a solid effort from Brandon Jennings 15 points, 10 dimes, Andrew Bogut 15 points, 15 boards and Carlos Delfino lead the Bucks with 19 points.

Carl Landry and Fransisco Garcia combined for 44 points.  Thats right two guys you barely know scored 44 points and lead the Sacramento Kings to a 117-116 victory over the Minnesota Timberwolves in their home opener.  For the first time in seven years the Kings are 1-0. Minnesota got one double-double from Kevin Love, but Wolves head coach Kurt Rambis played him only 24 minutes electing to go with Anthony Tolliver(who died last season after that Stoudemire dunk).

(AP Photo/Mike Fuentes)

Jason Kidd went old-school dishing out 18 dimes in the Dallas Mavericks 101-86 win over the Charlotte Bobcats.  Dirk Nowitzki lead all scores with 28, and Jason Terry contributed 22 points.  Tyrus Thomas scored 22 points and Gerald Wallace had 16 for the Bobcats, who’ve never beaten the Mavericks in 13 meetings. Michael Jordan will not be pleased.

Tim Duncan had 23 points, 12 boards and 4 blocks, Manu Ginobili scored 22 points and Parker had 20, leading the Spurs to a 122-109 victory over the Indiana Pacers. Roy Hibbert led Indiana with 28 points and Danny Granger had 26. Darren Collison scored 19 points in his debut for the Pacers. The Spurs had this game won in the first 5 minutes…they could have just ended it then.

The Utah Jazz got 6 points out of Al Jefferson and 3-10 shooting from Deron Williams.  Without reading the next line an outcome should have already been formulated.  Carmelo Anthony scored 23 points, Arron Afflalo added 22 and the Nuggets opened the season with a 110-88 win over the Utah Jazz. The Nuggets were elimanted by the Jazz last year, but both teams looked entirely different from last season.  The Nuggets having head coach George Karl back on the sideline was the majority of the difference. “It’s an honor and a privilege to try to be a special team in this league,” Karl said. “To coach one is my privilege. to play on one is your privilege.” Also Shelden Williams had 8 points and 16 boards.

The Los Angeles Clippers are a cursed franchise.  There is no getting past the curse it seems as the Clippers welcomed the (other cursed team) Portland Trail Blazers on opening night. Brandon Roy  scored 22 points(10 boards) and the Portland Trail Blazers spoiled the NBA debut of Blake Griffin with a 98-88 victory over the Los Angeles Clippers. Griffin got off to an insane start scoring seven straight points, he finished with 22 points and 14 boards.  LaMarcus Aldridge added 19 points and 10 boards for the Blazers, who gave Nate McMillan his 200th victory as coach. Nicolas Batum scored 15 points, Andre Miller 14 and former Clippers center Marcus Camby had 11 points and 14 boards.

The Houston Rockets played a back-to-back game.  That means NO Yao Ming.  No Yao, no defense. Monta Ellis matched his career high with 46 points, Stephen Curry added 25 points and 11 assists, and the Golden State Warriors won Keith Smart’s coaching debut by beating the Houston Rockets 131-128. Luis Scola had 36 points and 16 rebounds, while Kevin Martin added 28 points for the Rockets.  David Lee had 17 points and 15 rebounds, and Dorell Wright scored 15 points to help the Warriors to their first season-opening win since 2005. They also snapped a nine-game losing streak to the Rockets dating to 2007.  Chuck Hayes, had 16 points, eight boards and six dimes.