The NBA season is far from over, but the year has changed and each team has resolutions to make them better this year. Here is a team by team look at those resolutions.
ATLANTA HAWKS
We resolve to avoid the Cleveland Cavaliers at all cost. Continue playing roller-caster basketball and make fans happy by making playoffs and losing in first round. Also to do whatever possible to keep Joe Johnson at the end of the season!
BOSTON CELTICS
We resolve to continue making Rajon Rondo’s head swell with self-esteem, prescribe Rasheed Wallace some mood-stabilizers and keep everyone healthy come playoff time. We are the only kryptonite to the Los Angeles Lakers.
CHARLOTTE BOBCATS
We resolve to get Tyson Chandler, DeSagana Diop, or Nazr Mohammed off the team. Keep Gerald Wallace happy, and cut down on turnovers.
CHICAGO BULLS
We are young and inexperienced, so we resolve to grow up fast, or get ready to say goodbye to Coach Del Negro.
CLEVELAND CAVALIERS
2010 has sadly arrived and we resolve to lighten the disappointment to our fans when Duke James decides to play elsewhere next season.
DALLAS MAVERICKS
We resolve to let the past not continue to haunt us. We also resolve to assist Dirk Nowitzki, and Jason Terry by scoring points.
DETROIT PISTONS
I, Joe Dumars resolve to let the team we have now continue to play together, and let Tayshaun Prince, Rip Hamilton, and Ben Gordon all get healthy so we can make the playoffs.
DENVER NUGGETS
We resolve to make George Karl happy, and play defense, every game, not just against the good teams.
GOLDEN ST. WARRIORS
We the Golden St. Warriors fans resolve to continue rooting for the Warriors even though they will never be any better then they are right now, and could someone make Monta Ellis show smile.
HOUSTON ROCKETS
I, Yao Ming resolve to return to the team at the beginning of next season, even though it seems they don’t need me.
INDIANA PACERS
We resolve to stop regretting the drafting of Tyler Hansbrough, and play defense once and a while.
L.A. CLIPPERS
I, Donald Sterling resolve to continue not caring if the Clippers win or lose. My only concern is more money. Years change but the Clippers will remain the same.
L.A. LAKERS
We resolve to add handrails to all staircases in and around Staples Center. We also resolve to let Andrew Bynum get a pass on his play as long as he doesn’t complain about Pau Gasol stealing all his limelight.
MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES
We resolve to re-sign Rudy Gay, and continue to re-build until we move to another city.
MIAMI HEAT
I, Dwayne Wade resolve to continue playing like a MVP, unless I don’t get any help, then I’m outta here!
MILWAUKEE BUCKS
We resolve to continue building around Brandon Jennings and Andrew Bogut. We also resolve to never let Charlie Bell hold Kobe Bryant one-on-one at the end of games.
MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES
We resolve to move on from the Ricky Rubio hype, and focus on the talent we have.
NEW JERSEY NETS
I, the borough of Brooklyn resolve to not judge the team that is headed our way. If Jay-Z likes them, we like them too.
NEW ORLEANS HORNETS
We resolve to prepare the fans for the departure of Chris Paul, and explain that Darren Collison is indeed the future of the team.
NEW YORK KNICKS
I, Knicks fan, resolve to pray each and every night that Lebron James and friends come to the Knicks. Its our only hope!
OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER
We resolve to continue playing well, and growing, and not wearing Kevin Durant’s sneakers, because they are bad luck.
ORLANDO MAGIC
I, Dwight Howard resolve to demand the ball more often, and to hold Stan Van Gundy to his word regarding his behavior.
PHILADELPHIA 76ERS
We resolve to not rely solely on any player with the initials A.I.. Also we resolve to throw out the Princeton offense, which obviously isn’t working.
PHOENIX SUNS
I, Steve Nash resolve to play for the Suns for the rest of my life, and to continue making each and every game fun for everyone.
PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS
I, the Rose Garden resolve to break the curse that has been put on me, causing everyone on the team to get hurt!
SACRAMENTO KINGS
We resolve to play each game like it matters, and to keep pleading with the Maloof brothers to move us to Las Vegas.
SAN ANTONIO SPURS
We resolve to actually start preparing for Tim Duncans retirement, and to let Richard Jefferson know he can shoot the ball.
TORONTO RAPTORS
I, Chris Bosh resolve to play hard through the rest of the season, then get the hell out of Canada.
UTAH JAZZ
We resolve to continue resarching a machine that can hook up to Jerry Sloan that allows him to coach forever!
WASHINGTON WIZARDS
We resolve to add metal detectors at all entrances to the Verizon Center, and find someone to be Gilbert Arenas’s friend.
